Week 2 2026

This past week has been one of the most productive weeks I've had in a long time. I can say that it felt like I've made some healthy progress in many important aspects that I'm focusing on this year.

I started off the week by hunkering down (begrudgingly) to write in my planner on what things to accomplish this week. I also took the dive to use adderall every single day in order to manage my ADHD. Without medication, pretty much everything that I do other than eating feels like a chore. I was able to maintain timely goals and to-do lists every single day.

I am super grateful to have the chance to share and write here

It's now 11:08 PM as I write this and I'm getting pretty unmotivated and tired but I'll do my best.

This week I had some deep conversations; one with my therapist, and one with one of my best friends, David. What was discussed in therapy this week was well, the reason why I'm not finding joy or fulfillment in my achievements is because (call me a crybaby) I never felt recognized by the caretakers of my younger self. What this caused me to do as an adult is that no matter what I do or accomplish, it just simply wasn't enough. The more insecure I was, the more I wanted to do better. This CAN be a great motivator and it most definitely helped me get to where I am today BUT I have struggled to be grateful with what I have! The worst part of it is that because so little of life is unimpressive, it has cursed me with having incredibly high standards on some of my loved ones, especially my wife. I have been hurting myself for so long and in turn I have placed unrealistically high standards on my wife as well.

This toxic expectation that I have built my perception of life upon has had major consequences in how I have dealt with all major current responsibilities of adulthood. A constant nagging of 'oh it's not enough', 'I could/should have done more'. Or 'this is so pointless', 'life is so overrated'. These voices play over and over in my head like a 5 song playlist on repeat. The perpetual cycle of life feeling so meaningless and vapid is constantly the first and loudest voice in my head and it has become a major part of my personality in the past couple years. This personality 'defect' of mine has caught the attention of some of my best friends and I have finally been called out on it (finally? unless I've been too ignorant to read into all the signs and exclamations). I'm not sure for how long he's noticed, but something about how the communication was delivered combined with the recent therapy session made me really sit down and contemplate on how and why I need to start changing my attitude.

It's time that I really stop looking at what I don't have, stop looking at what I 'should have', and just focus on what I do have and the amazing benefits I have reaped from my work, actions, decisions, and influence that has guided me here.

I use to think that I was a grateful person...and I would show people my gratitude by verbally thanking them for getting me to where I am now and who I have become. I always felt like I was showing them my gratitude by being generous with my time and money. At that time I know I was doing it from the heart. Flash forward to these past couple years, I don't think people would say that I'm a grateful person.

Instead of trying so hard to show people my gratitude, I haven't quite shown myself that I've been grateful to ME. I have everything I need, and some things I have in excess. I need to be content and understand that this is how life is and I just need to accept it.

I've been living under years and years of resentment. I think I've let this resentment eat me alive for the past ten years. This resentment has affected my relationship with my parents, it's definitely affected the relationship I have with my wife. I'm ashamed that these things have been the focus for so long. All these negative thoughts really poison the way that I live...they prevent me from being content and happy. I've only realized the hold it's had on me and I've been hardwired like this for so long it's going to take major effort to rewiring my mindset.

If there's anything I've learned about mental health is that it takes an immense load of work. One epiphany won't change your life. The epiphany might be the first step in a long journey in truly living for yourself but your life isn't going to be made whole tomorrow. Mental health is very much like a muscle, it's something that takes active strengthening and focused intent. If you don't use it, you'll lose it.

Thoughtful positivity, mindful gratitude, and acceptance will be some of the mantras I will be breathing through this year.

...

Some fun things this week, I got moving along with cleaning up my investment property. It's a start...

Exercising at least 3x a week and completed a 4 mile run this past Thursday with chilly yet bright, sunny weather.

Had a Burmese dinner with my good buddy Bryan and his awesome girlfriend Taylor. Man what a sweet couple...baked us some of the best sourdough bread I've ever had, AND made us sourdough chocolate chip cookies. Kathleen and I are overjoyed 😄

Got to see good ol' buddy David, his wife Brit, and his newborn baby daughter Rosalina on the same night! Can't wait to have a kid of our own...Honestly so proud of seeing my best friend make it and grow through parenthood.

Had a surprisingly fun time at work this week as well...celebrating a coworkers birthday for practically the whole week – eating different food every day Tuesday through Thursday haha.

Had dinner with my family at Black Angus...unfortunately some conversations get triggered by uh, trama. I need to work on not bringing those topics up. Seriously. Good meal, nah GREAT meal.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Cheers, hope to keep it up for week three.