Week 9 2026

Oddly as it sounds, but I think my body is still in recovery after last week. My nose is still leaking a good amount everyday since I've returned to work.

Because of this ongoing recovery status I should give myself a little more grace in how I handled the week. Or maybe I should spend a moment to talk shit about myself.

First, some deltas:

I missed my therapy session on Tuesday morning by 8 minutes. The feeling I got was the shameful equivalent of being locked outside my high school Spanish class for being more than 3 minutes late after the bell had rung. I thought I was gonna be given a better grace period than 8 minutes but nope. As a full blown adult, I felt a sensation of shame; a kind of shame that makes me feel childishly stupid. At 17 years old my high school senior quote was: 'Never on schedule but always on time.' The fuckin quote was ripped off a Nas lyric from the track Can't Forget About You. Christ, I thought I was so cool for listening to East Coast rap while the rest of the class was riding high on the Bay Area hyphy movement. What's not cool is disappointing the 17 year old kid in you by being an irresponsible and forgetful ordinary ass 9-5 dude who can't make his therapy sessions on time. ...damn.. 17 year old Ryan would never have expected 36 year old Ryan to have to get therapy sessions. I TOO, HAVE LET NAS DOWN.

I exercised only twice this week. A let down from my proposed goal of 3-4x a week. Recovering from the flu was partially to blame plus my diet has consisted of days old leftovers of random hodgepodge of free food and spontaneous hamburger helper. My brothers like to state the most obvious sign of weight gain by the coined term of 'ski ramps'. Ski ramps are when you gain enough weight where the fat on your titties start to point out through the shirt; so basically the peak of the nipples have poked far out enough so that you could take a tech deck skateboard and use your fuckin tit as a ramp. I think my ski ramps are coming back damn it.

My house has some form of rot in the front fascia facing the street. When I first got the home I did notice a little crack in the wood paneling. I just thought to myself, 'eh, it's probably facing the sun and the crack is just sun-damage of the paint.' After some years of neglect, my dad noticed now that the damage has expanded to several cracks

So on top of cleaning, it looks like I've got some restoration to do. Let me try to reframe my thinking in the name of healthy mental therapy: OH I DON'T HHAAVEE TO DO THIS, OH JOY, I GET TO DO THISSSSS! HOME OWNERSHIP IS SOOOO REWARDING CAAUSE IT JUST ISSSS! YOU WORK SO HARD FOR THIS RYAN, YOU DESERVE IT!

Nice Events this Week:

Although seeing your house rot from the outside is jarring, my dad assures me that it can be fixed and shouldn't be too bad. Getting tips and reassurance from my experienced dad is quite a relief. I have to extend my gratitude to him and my neighbor Arto for evaluating the situation.

Thursday I had a free evening to spend and I happen to spend it with the most expensive cousin of mine, Kevin. Kevin is the only fatty who can keep up with me and my appetite for food. He doesn't know I'm writing about him here but boy do I love egging this fucker to eat more food when hes already uncomfortable. Lately I haven't indulged in dining out as much as I use to but I'll make an exception from time to time and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you perceive it), I decided to give him the reigns over choosing where he wants to eat together. He ended up choosing La Marcha Tapas Bar in Berkeley; that's a three $$$ sign designation on Yelp, which most likely means we'll be spending >$100 for a dinner. In typical Kevin fashion, we ended up eating 200 dollars worth of Spanish tapas for an evening. Of course I heaved and ho'd about this decision, telling him we should have just went to a taqueria but whatever, no regrets. After dinner I forced him to have dessert with me at Hui Lau Shan and I bought him a whole Mango Chewy Ball bowl to eat by himself. 'FAWK IM SO FULL' he would complain to my delight as I too, forced myself to drink a mango coconut aloe drink in 50 degree weather at 9PM. We had a fascinating conversation on whether or not we could tolerate dating hoes or strippers. I'm married but Kevin you're probably just insecure LOL.

Friday I got to meet up for lunch with Nathan and Franklin at Heads And Tails BBQ in Berkeley. It's lightweight scary to get together with them because for whatever reason, I'm either getting sick BEFORE I see them, or AFTER I see them. That seems to be the trend lately and to make matters worse I'm always fucking up our scheduling because I'm still an irresponsible fuck that double-books or completely overestimates or underestimates how much time is needed to hangout with these guys. Thanks for reminding me, I got a fuckin parking ticket from the city of Berkeley cause I underestimated how long lunch would be. I literally saw the bitchass meter maid like three cars ahead of mine when I stepped out of the venue.

Friday night, 11 PM, 1/3rd of a dino rib later and after a full ass day of soul sucking work, Kathleen and I drove to San Leandro to see Greg, Steven, Marion, and Nate. Stayed out till 1:30 am catching up and appreciating some of the shittier moments we've all gone through lately.

Saturday was the Goh family Chinese New Year celebration. I think this is the second one we've had in row now...I can really appreciate my dad loosening up his previous grudges and allowing these family reunions at the house. It was lively, loud, and happy. Nieces and nephews running around now, enjoying the space of my parents house the same way my brothers and cousins did when we were kids...In-laws and extended families all together in one roof sharing food and alcohol. We also haven't seen gambling in the house since grandma was around. There was so much food at the house that it practically wasn't necessary for me to bring Chinese stir-fry and Popeye's chicken tenders. Although I came a little late and brought a bit of stress with me, looking back, it was a great time.

Sunday night I went to South San Francisco to visit my friend Carlo and his wife MaryAnne. Kathleen and I have not hung out with them since...2017? It was a long overdue dinner/hang out. Since that time, Carlo and MaryAnne gotten married and now have two really happy kids. Their house is understandably filled from floor to ceiling with toys, TV noise blasting with Cocomelon in the background on constant repeat. Parenthood has been treating them well and the fulfillment it provides them makes every blood, sweat, and tear shed worth its weight in gold. There were some emotional moments of conversation that I didn't expect from Kathleen and myself. I'm just very grateful to have friends who understand and can share with us the emotional weight and complexities of infertility.

Looking ahead, I've got a full week of work in front of me. And for the first time in over 10 years, I have a jury duty summons from the Alameda county. This is adding complexity and uncertainty in my schedule all week. This week I hope to get back on task with correcting some deficiencies in my planning, gratitude, and fitness. I realize that it's not exactly productive to write non-stop as my mood and ability to articulate the thoughts gets a little foggier and laborious as it gets later into the night. Maybe I'll switch up, write in a draft and add as the week goes on before posting to maintain quality and mood. Anyways hope you all have a good week and thanks again for reading.